why I'm going to medical school

I found this in a news article on Yahoo!: "Before the advent in the 1970s of sperm banks that maintain a collection of frozen donations, the sperm used for artificial insemination was often provided on the spot by medical students or doctors, and was given only to married couples in which the men were sterile." (emphasis mine)
*cough*

 
miracle of birth my ass

nothing to write about today. I just like the title.

 
even better

This is the greatest piece of e-mail I've ever received. I just got one that links to http://eng.WWP.com.ua, which is a "worldwide acquaintanceship site." Apparently someone tried to sign up with my e-mail address at a PERSONALS SITE. But what really got me was this quaint little message at the end of the confirmation e-mail: "Only think, probably your e-mail address was indicated by your friends, relatives, enemies or another user by an unpremeditated mistake. Just because of this reason we send you this check letter to guard you against undesirable mail."
Gorgeous. Simply gorgeous.

 
bogus

I got this lovely bit of spam in my e-mail today that reiterated the fact that I've "won 4 FREE airline tickets! Claim your prize now while supplies last!" about 8 times. I was trying to reach the bottom of the message to find the unsubscribe link, but just on a whim I decided to click on the "you've won" link. So, I get to the page and it says, and I quote, "Please log in so we can credit to your account the <name withheld> you earn with 4 Free Airline Tickets. Enter your password below.
If you've forgotten it, or if you want to change it, just enter a new one." (emphasis mine) Uhh. Then I clicked on the Terms and Conditions link at the bottom of the page, and Section 21, Account Security, says, and again I quote, "Your account is secured by our requirement that you must provide your password to access your account data and to redeem a Reward. You must therefore protect your password from theft by another person, since use of your password constitutes authorization by you to <name withheld> to issue Rewards according to your instructions." But if I can just enter a new password at the login screen, doesn't that defeat the purpose? What a freakin scam.

 
where you can stick that thermometer: addendum innuendo

Ok, so I've got strep throat and no one seems to care enough to take me to the emergency room. When you've got fat red tonsils covered in globs of yellowish-white pus and a sore throat going on its 10th day, there's obviously something wrong. Maybe I should take a picture of my throat and post it here, so if I get rheumatic fever and scarlatina and a secondary infection with group A streptococcus and necrotizing fasciitis and die because all the skin on my face was eaten away and my heart valves exploded, there'll be proof that I did have strep throat to precipitate my demise.

 
to whom it may concern

I was looking for the format for formal letters, and I found this page hosted at Ball State University: formal letter formats. Such defiance. I like it.

 
four!

"What number is analogous to 28 in modulo 12?" It's four! Muahahahahhahahahhahaha!
*cough* I want a cookie.

 
whittling peg legs out of soap

Yesterday was my first day of Psychology. I hate sitting so close to other people. The girl sitting on my left was like, "Don't even think of talking to me, bitch." I hate school. I don't know anyone, and no one is willing to be my friend. I made two friends last semester, which was beneficial in lab work, but I think they both failed the class.

Ok, so I heard Gee-Dub choked on a pretzel. What a yutz. A correspondent from Reuters said, "Doctors said there were several possible medical explanations for the incident on Sunday in which Bush apparently passed out after a pretzel went down the wrong way." (emphasis mine)
He was eating like a pig, inhaled a pretzel, and passed out on the floor.
Doctor Ravich said, "It can occur if a person is distracted, perhaps while shouting at a television screen during a sporting event. Maybe presidents are more distracted than others."
A president, distracted? You gotta be kidding me. That never happens.

 
where you can stick that thermometer

I have a nasty little strain of influenza. While everyone else is romping about having fun, I am drugged off my ass with codeine. My throat is burning, my neck is stiff, my whole friggin' body aches. What a worthless day.
I'm going to go drown myself in orange-strawberry-banana juice and more of that fire-water Robitussin. No more writing.

 
do you really care about the standard deviation?

Ok. I realized the previous post should be more exciting to warrant such a convoluted and odd title. So I'll go off on a tangent.
Oooooooh. Ranting: people who don't know how to spell. I just did a search on Google for The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho and found this post:

"This intreaguingly mystic adventure of a young shepard who is willing to follow his intuition, beliefs, dreams and the trail Destiny leaves for him in a search to find the treasure he believes awaits him." <clip>

I mean, fine, the guy's from Canada, I could cut him a little slack there, but maybe this guy should start actually looking at the words in the books he reads. Personally, I've never had the opportunity to be "intreagued" by anything, especially not the trail this wench Destiny is leaving. Everyone's entitled to a few spelling and grammatical errors, but this takes the cake.
A smattering of things that irritate me:

• Authors who use outlandish names for their characters. Even the protagonist of Heinlein's Stranger in a Strange Land, a human born on Mars, has a reasonably normal name: Valentine Michael Smith. Everyone calls him Mike. The protagonist of Jensen's The 8th House, which I have not read and do not plan to, is named Zoe Zignego. How cute - her initials are Z.Z.! Awww!
  
• Pop-up ads. Everyone should hate pop-up ads, the tool of Santa they are. Er.. Satan.
  
• People who stare at me. This happens all the time. And no, I am not paranoid. STOP LOOKING AT ME!
  
• Logarithms. Don't ask. Just don't ask.
  
• People who navigate their way all over a site that's completely in English and then post messages in another language. I saw this on www.thescreensavers.com. "I hope you can read Spanish!" it starts out. Sure, I can read Spanish, and you spelled "español" wrong.

 
taxing the gourd and other moments of statistical significance

Whine whine whine. I hate everything. I'm going to the doctor today for a thyroid test because someone thinks I sleep too much. So I sez to him, "I sleeps 'cuz I'm tired." Jeez.
Attempted to learn CSS this weekend. Wasted much time. More later.

 
scandal in the backstreets

Fans Shocked as Backstreet Boy Shows His McPickle! For all I know, this could have happened. I don't really pay attention to these guys.. are they a music group or something?
Little Red Bumbershoot. What the hell is this? Why is it hosted at socrates.berkeley.edu?

 
the puffball unit 

Happy New Years.
I stayed up late last night, not watching the silly ball ceremony, but playing Super Smash Brothers Melee. My favorite character is the "great king of evil" Ganondorf, since he is "absurdly powerful" and can decimate the other characters with his purple-shimmering Gerudo Dragon punch. He'd lose pitifully in a footrace with Marth, the sword-slinging blue-haired Anime figure from Fire Emblem, but once Ganon finally got to the finish line he'd probably just bash Marth's head in. Not that I dislike Marth, but his fleet-footedness is no match for Ganon's brute strength. Hmm. Come to think of it, the 'ol Dorfster looks a little like Big Red. The best fights are between Ganon and say, Jigglypuff, for obvious reasons. Like most people, I think small pink characters who look a bit like chewed bubble gum are pushovers. However... in Match Event number 28, "Puffballs Unite!" (The reason this post is called "the puffball unit" is my brother doesn't read well. I suppose it could work, though, since it is a batallion of Kirbys, or a unit. Or not.), a barrage of pink puffy things, each assuming a characteristic of each other character (there's even a Kirby with Ganon hair), assemble for an epic battle on the bucolic fields of Green Greens. Twenty-four different Kirbys is a consummate evil. I thought, "Oh, I'll just pull out the big guns (Ganon) and deflate the little buggers. It'll be easy." Ever try finishing off the last six of 'em with 367% damage on ya? With a preternatural chorus of sinister, ghostly voices whispering, "Gaaanondorrrrff.... Gaaanondorf!"? I'm still trying to figure out which character I can use to beat that level.