i also hate everything

Hey. That orc looks like a profile of McPickle. Cool.
I think, because I'm in such a bad mood right now, that I will list things that irritate me. And things I hate. And such.

• Prom. Living down the street from a high school, prom is all I ever hear about. And you know what? If that boy wants to poison the punch, let him. No skin off my back.. or nose.. or teeth.. or whatever body part is used in that cliché.
  
• Rum cordials that are the same size, shape, weight, and color as paintballs. You only know when you bite in.
  
• Transsexuals who are more attractive than I am. This includes pretty much all of them. Even the ones with mustaches.
  
• Mispronunciations.

  <soapbox> I am so friggin' sick of people who mispronounce common words! I may not be the world's greatest orthoepist (which, admittedly, is kinda hard to pronounce), but dammit, I know faulty diction when I hear it. My politics teacher is truly horrendous in this category: her biggest offenders (along with her pronunciations) are ideology (id-ee-ah-lo-gee), guru (GAH-roo), parboil (purr-boil), and a few others. Sure, she's a Republican from Texas, but that doesn't excuse her from... well, maybe it does. I dunno. My psychology teacher, though, is the worst (I've been keeping track of these in my notes for the class): myriad (my-rad), salivate (sav-uh-late), nucleus (noo-cyoo-luss), synapse (sigh-nops), corpus callosum (cuh-lah-sum), thalamus (tholl-uh-mus), myelin (my-lon), node of Ranvier (rainier), verbiage (verb-idge), escape (ex-cape), mnemonic (pneumonic or mem-om-ic), fugue (phage), and wash (worsh). It gets worse every day. He also can't differentiate between chartreuse and magenta, and doesn't realize that when you're speaking re: someone else, you say "in regard to." I think I will photocopy all these words and their proper pronunciations and tape the compendium to his door. </soapbox>
  

 
well, it's true.... bridget says i have low standards


I fancy Orcs.
Looks mean nothing to me.
Which culture from Middle-Earth do you fancy?
By Hannah and Dani

 
is this the best way to place these headlines?

 
hoo-ray for ganondorf

I am Ganondorf I love nothing more then power, and I'll lie, steal, and kidnap my way into getting it. I don't care much for competition and I'll eliminate it if possible. I do tend to be over confident after I reach my goals. What SSBM character are you?

 
MIT beaver rapes statue, loses foot

This one doesn't involve any disturbing old men, but it does involve a horny beaver who loses a foot in a hack attack. This story is rife with innuendo and drunken genital-grabbing - a must read. Sez Erin Rhody: "I was too busy holding up the beaver ... we could have stopped [him]."

 
75 does not go into 10

Eww. This is the most disgusting story I have ever read. The Connecticut Post reported that a 75-year old man impregnated a 10-year old girl AND she intends to keep the baby. Ick ick ick ick ick ick ick. *vomits*

Update: the link doesn't work and I can't find anything about it anywhere. But there was a quote from the trial in Newsweek recently. Hmm.

 
oops, i just killed myself. sorry

Why is everyone so stupid? Why do they let these people into law school, med school, public? Grr. Get off my lawn.
There's an article on Yahoo! News about an acne-ridden boy who flew a stolen Cessna into the Bank of America building in Tampa. Ok, no news there, that was in January. Now his parents are suing Hoffman-La Roche Pharmaceuticals because they believed his acne medication Accutane (isotretinoin) caused him to become suicidally depressed. There's apocryphal evidence to support that claim. But the Bishop family's lawyer Michael Ryan says, "Our suit alleges that Hoffman-La Roche has known that this drug causes spontaneous suicide and depression" (emphasis mine). What exactly is spontaneous suicide? You're just walking along and all of a sudden "oops, I just killed myself."
I'll give you your brains from my fridge if you promise to... never mind, you're never getting them back.

 
olivary segregation

Ok. I cleaned out the refrigerator today and found some really interesting things. There was a Tupperware container filled with green and black olives, which in spite of being completely horizontal when I found it, had somehow managed to segregate all the olives into one half of the container... and there was a jar of lingonberry jam, which someone oh-so-cleverly changed to "clingonberry" jam... a jar of beef gravy that I was actually afraid to open because the mold was starting to seep out from under the lid (such colors, too)... and how could I forget the lemons with their highly acidic sticky brown secretions, whose rind had molded so much they were nigh indistinguishable from limes...

Law of Refrigerator Ablution: Never store anything too close to the light.
Corollary: Never trust a non-Tupperware container that "burps."

 
now you die

God. These titles keep getting worse and worse.
Anyway. I just went to longtolive.com and found out that statistically, I should die on Saturday, July 22, 2073 at 9:59:33 PM. I'm marking my calendar.

I'm still laughing about cogitabundous.

 
the greatest word on earth

I think I have just found the greatest word in the English language, a potential solution to the "-dous" word problem, with no definition to be found on the Internet: cogitabundous. It sounds best when pronounced "ko-gee-tuh-bun-dus," although I'm sure that isn't how it is truly spoken. It just sounds cool. Cogitabundous. Cogitabundouscogitabundouscogitabundouscogitabundous.

 
los 'mericanos

This is astonishingly embarrassing. While seeking to unsubscribe from the Isla Tortuga mailing list (my Spanish is not as good as it used to be), I found a map from CNN, dated 9/25/2001, which was the host of a very flagrant error. Look for yourself, and tell me, where exactly is Switzerland? The Perry-Castanada Library Map Collection has an excellent map of Europe, in case you can't tell from the one on www.pasarelaip.com. Nosotros 'mericanos no sabemos geografia. Caramba.

 
i show you where to stick that poll

Here's even more outrageous crap! Another Yahoo! article, Public Opposes Human Cloning, has the "results" of a "poll" done by the Pew Research Center for the People and the Press (only in America, kids). They claim that 77% of the people polled think scientific experimentation on cloning human beings is bad and "said they oppose it because it is morally wrong." They also claim that "those who support federal funding [are] most influenced by media reports, while those opposed [are] most influenced by their religious beliefs." I want to know who these Pew a-holes asked - 2,002 of the nation's stupidest, white-trashiest, fence-straddling, Bible-banging "adults," I presume? Why is everyone and everything in this God-forsaken country related to religion in some way? People invented God because they needed a scapegoat.... mindlessly following this Christian ideal and proselytizing to the "heathens".... no wonder you're called a "flock" - you're all SHEEP! Baaah for me, sheep!

 
god you people are stupid

Grr. I hate anti-stem cell, anti-cloning, anti-choice bastards. They oppose stem cell research because "it is wrong to destroy a human embryo, no matter how early it is and no matter what the reason" (President Bush Leads Push to Outlaw Clone Research, Yahoo! News, Tue Apr 9 2002). But it's ok to destroy the embryos of other animals? And yes, humans are animals. If you eat eggs, you're destroying the embryo of a chicken - the yolk sac, albumen, chalazae, and all the various proteins, fats, carbs, and such would make a chicken or a rooster if not prematurely plucked from the warmth of their mother's behind and processed. If you are so GD vehement in your opposition to embryolysis (not sure if that's a real word or not, but it is now 'cause I said so), stop eating eggs. See how long you can last without eggs. They're in everything - everything from your morning omelette to your Hollandaise sauce to breads and pastries and GET A NEW ARGUMENT OR I'LL ABORT YOU

 
sounds like a hell of a problem

I just found a hot pink "poster" I filched from a not-so-local high school, "informing" us of the plight of the Afghan women (I have an Afghan on my couch.... hmm). It reads, "As of '98, only 20% of all hospital beds in Afghanistan were available for women. Women are also banned from seeing male doctors, family planning, or being operated on by surgical teams with male members" [sic]. I wonder if the kid who wrote that was paying attention.

 
with my luck, they'd probably shred the application

 
burnout

I took the MAPP Assessment the other week to determine what careers I should pursue... so, now I'm on their mailing list and in addition to a buttload of spam, I got a message today warning me of "burnout." Here's their list of early warning signs:
chronic fatigue - exhaustion, tiredness, etc (yep)
anger at those making demands (always)
self-criticism for putting up with the demands (I'm such a loser)
cynicism, negativity, and irritability (everyone calls me Daria)
exploding easily at seemingly inconsequential things (what are you looking at?)
frequent headaches and gastrointestinal disturbances (*pffffftt*)
weight loss or gain (I have a huge ass)
suspiciousness (leave me alone you creeps)
feelings of helplessness (please don't leave me alone)
    increased degree of risk taking
    a sense of being besieged
    sleeplessness and depression
    shortness of breath

Oh hark - these signs are also characteristic of several mental disorders! And recall from the Personality Disorders Test, I am no paragon of psychiatric health. Either I'm on my way to total burnout or I'm paranoid schizoavoidodependent compulsive.

 
shut the hell up you whiny bitch

God. I just went to "blehbleh"'s blog for some odd reason and all she does is whine about being fat. Just shut the fuck up. You are boring. Do you really think anyone cares what you had for lunch today? That you think some disgusting, emaciated, anemic waif whose sternum sticks out further than her tits has a PERFECT FIGURE? And in any case, 1000 calorie/day diets are for people who are morbidly obese - not for bitchy girls who can't bear the thought of weighing 150 lbs. NO ONE CARES.
Thank you.

 
the end of the world is nigh... not really

All right, people, get ready to pack your bags and embark on a mass exodus - on March 16, 2880, the giant killer asteroid "1950 DA" will make its 15th pass through the Earth's orbit with a 1 in 300 chance of hitting this pirouetting oblate spheroid. Watch your ass.

 
here goes nothing...

What a dumb expression. Anyway, I'm switching to www.bravepages.com because Geoshitties is discontinuing their free FTP service tomorrow. Hopefully all goes well.... and the new addy for this page will be nrrd.bravepages.com. Oooh. Exciting.