highlight of the week: new bathrobe

Ahhh... There's nothing in the news for me to harangue about! No controversial abortion debates, no bitter diatribes regarding genetically engineered food, nothing! Well, there are all those missing children and Gee-Dub's impending strike against Iraq (which I wish the newscasters would stop pronouncing as "eye-rack".. morons) to assuage the flaccid attempt his father made over a decade ago, but that really doesn't interest me enough to hurl invectives. And I really like hurling. *sigh*
So. Um. I got a new bathrobe. Actually, it's not new. I never had one before. Maybe this ultra-boring week is preparing me for my trek to the frigid North...
Quality Blog of Alton Brown, television chef/science guy extraordinaire. I'm totally in love with this guy. Alton Brown rox.

 
mIRCy waters and reproductive rights

mIRC totally rocks my world.
Ok. The topic of the day is reproductive rights. I was watching the news today, and they were doing the "conflict your viewpoints in 5 minutes" segment where there was this lady from NOW and this smug little shit from some pro-life group (you can tell which side I'm on). The guy, whom we will refer to as Shlomo from here on out, thinks that if a girl under 18 uses contraceptives of any form, her parents should know about it. Well, you bozo Shlomo, if you tell some girl's mom and dad that she's buying condoms at the drugstore or filling her script for the Pill at her local free teen clinic, she's going to stop using her prophylactics, thereby increasing her chances of being impregnated. Duh. And then your little group will run one of those commercials that says "Life is so precious, why throw away a perfectly good baby, blah blah blah my God can beat up your God" and piss me off even more. Fools.

 
sing-a-longs with norm

I really like the song "Norman" by Sue Thompson. I don't know quite why, but it's so catchy. "Norman, ooh-ooh-ooh, Norman, mm-mm-mmhh, Norman my LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOVE!" She's totally wild about this guy, but seems a little subservient: "Bill invited me to a show/But I said, 'No, I cannot go/There's a dress I've got to sew/And wear for Norman.'" I want to hear Norm Macdonald say "Ahh, this song blows." It'd be perfect.
Anyway. I'm going to write movie reviews, only in 17 syllables (a haiku, for the uninitiated). I've already done a few. So click this to ruminate at the Haiku Review.

 
sifting through the trash

Ok, I admit it, I enjoy reading Cosmopolitan. Turns out my roommate likes that rag too, except she thinks it's trashy and reads it because it's so corny. I told her that's why I read it too. She'd be flabbergasted to know that I have almost every issue from 1999 on.. hehe.
One of the suggestions this month is something like "If you want guys to notice you, lean back in a big stretch, blah blah blah." Well it certainly doesn't attract guys when your elbows and shoulders pop. :p Stupid creaky joints.
I love their website's "Agony" advice column: the archives go a little like this: "My Boyfriend Always Lies; My Boyfriend Hates the Way I Dress; My Boyfriend Is Cheap; My Boyfriend Is Manic Depressive; My Boyfriend Is in Jail" - it's so great. Man.. if I had a cheap, lying, manic-depressive boyfriend in jail, I'd know just where to turn. The reason I went off on this tirade in the first place is that I'm missing the March and April 2001 issues, either of which might have the answer to one of my questions. It's really sad that I can pinpoint exactly when the Q&A appeared. ... Whoa! I just found one that sounds like I wrote it... *gulp* "Recently I've been really unhappy. My main problem is that I am overweight and can't see someone ever really caring about me. I have really low self-esteem, and only one guy has ever really looked past my appearance and saw me for who I am. I am so lonely and don't know what to do. I would give anything to be thin." Holy shit. Too bad the advice sucks so much as to be useless. *sigh*

 
shopping is sux0r

<maudlin, self-pitying post deleted>